I really connected to this! The last few weeks I regressed back to old thought patterns - the self punishing ones - and had to remind myself they are just background noise and not actually me.
Yes, I agree, no mud, no lutus. I had to think, take stock, and not keep worrying about things, but let them take time to get. It's taken me two weeks to get over a co-dependency I developed to replace the one I had with my Mom, as she would tell me how to think, say and do almost everything daily, til I grew wise and left. But that was not enough to deal with life on my terms, and I sub-consciously started depending on a close friend to do the same for me, even though I thought I was holding my own. Well, she became verbally abusive, and I finally grew wise to that. Recovering is like recovering from any fixation or abuse, even one of your own making. You can only replace it with what's right for you, and then you can start growing again.
I have really started to find some impetus or pep, I call it, as my Great Aunt Antoinette called it, after suffering a gelling time of hardly wanting to think about anything but the immediate environment. I didn't think that was good for me, and started to encourage myself in small ways.
That's what I find is my next steps now.
My personal expressions have started to flourish, so I am finally experiencing the start of the budding of my lotus on my own, instead of at the behest of somebody. That is so much fun and energy-building for its own sake.
I have really enjoyed the healing of my foot at the same time for better walks, and longer walks. Claire, our mixed pitbull-boxer, and I love to take walks. I am starting to take pictures of our flowers and wildflowers along the way. so much springtime for viewing! With it came an orchestrated cacophony of different species of birdsongs this year, as they gathered inside my attic soffit, which is separate from the rest of the house, thank God. Amen. I love the birds and that they have a safe place to nest. They won't be picked on by our crows and seagulls of the Detroit River here.
Maybe we will take a long ride and look for the eagles by Monroe, Grosse Ile, and Lake Erie. I have been gone 5 years, so I am hoping they have a family now. We have a big day planned for Mom's Day today.
The only movie I could find without fighting in it for adults, and not about a couple, is Book Club: The Next Chapter. The Preview looks good, so I am hoping.
I am really enjoying your Northern Notes, Lisa. I do all my sharing in the Writers' Circle and Poetry Circle of Garden of Neuro so far. Love reading these. Thanks.
Thank you so much, Annette, for your kind words. It’s amazing how much we can learn about ourselves if we stay open to it. Each stage of our lives brings new insights - I am so pleased you’re feeling like a budding lotus 🪷💖
Such a lovely read Lisa. ♥️ It was beautiful to share in some of the Spring bounties you were experiencing at the cottage on Mother’s Day - the bursting leaves, the swooping birds and their chirping chorus, all basking with you in the warming sun. ☀️☀️
I really connected to this! The last few weeks I regressed back to old thought patterns - the self punishing ones - and had to remind myself they are just background noise and not actually me.
It can take a bit of time to get there, can’t it? Those old patterns are strong. I’m glad you’ve managed to quieten that voice. 💗
Yes, I agree, no mud, no lutus. I had to think, take stock, and not keep worrying about things, but let them take time to get. It's taken me two weeks to get over a co-dependency I developed to replace the one I had with my Mom, as she would tell me how to think, say and do almost everything daily, til I grew wise and left. But that was not enough to deal with life on my terms, and I sub-consciously started depending on a close friend to do the same for me, even though I thought I was holding my own. Well, she became verbally abusive, and I finally grew wise to that. Recovering is like recovering from any fixation or abuse, even one of your own making. You can only replace it with what's right for you, and then you can start growing again.
I have really started to find some impetus or pep, I call it, as my Great Aunt Antoinette called it, after suffering a gelling time of hardly wanting to think about anything but the immediate environment. I didn't think that was good for me, and started to encourage myself in small ways.
That's what I find is my next steps now.
My personal expressions have started to flourish, so I am finally experiencing the start of the budding of my lotus on my own, instead of at the behest of somebody. That is so much fun and energy-building for its own sake.
I have really enjoyed the healing of my foot at the same time for better walks, and longer walks. Claire, our mixed pitbull-boxer, and I love to take walks. I am starting to take pictures of our flowers and wildflowers along the way. so much springtime for viewing! With it came an orchestrated cacophony of different species of birdsongs this year, as they gathered inside my attic soffit, which is separate from the rest of the house, thank God. Amen. I love the birds and that they have a safe place to nest. They won't be picked on by our crows and seagulls of the Detroit River here.
Maybe we will take a long ride and look for the eagles by Monroe, Grosse Ile, and Lake Erie. I have been gone 5 years, so I am hoping they have a family now. We have a big day planned for Mom's Day today.
The only movie I could find without fighting in it for adults, and not about a couple, is Book Club: The Next Chapter. The Preview looks good, so I am hoping.
I am really enjoying your Northern Notes, Lisa. I do all my sharing in the Writers' Circle and Poetry Circle of Garden of Neuro so far. Love reading these. Thanks.
Thank you so much, Annette, for your kind words. It’s amazing how much we can learn about ourselves if we stay open to it. Each stage of our lives brings new insights - I am so pleased you’re feeling like a budding lotus 🪷💖
“That voice is not me.” So important to remember! Thank you, Lisa! 🌼
Such a lovely read Lisa. ♥️ It was beautiful to share in some of the Spring bounties you were experiencing at the cottage on Mother’s Day - the bursting leaves, the swooping birds and their chirping chorus, all basking with you in the warming sun. ☀️☀️