The In-between
On life, death, and lifting the veil.
I’m feeling in-between.
We’ve had a week of late summer days and unusual warmth. Leaves are slowly turning yellow and red. A thin layer carpets the esplanade outside our apartment.
My seasonal job at the visitor centre ends today, as I write. They’ll close it up for the winter as the ruins sit, exposed to the elements as they’ve been for the last 170 years—an ending.
My energy is not quite what it might be. I’d like to have more but the summer job has taken it. I’d say stolen but that sounds like I was unwilling. I’ve given away small pieces of myself to the over 20,000 visitors we’ve had this year. A considerable effort as I tried to save some energy for my fledgling business.
It’s interesting how our passion projects can fuel us - because I find the service industry quite draining. There are aspects I enjoy but overall it’s not where my heart lies. My heart feels that I’m in the in-between. My heart knows I’ve started on the path to doing what I love and feel passion for, but perhaps an awareness that there are always hand-over periods. Times of in-between.
Endings and beginnings have been highlighted today. This morning, within the space of an hour, I found out a dear friend of my mum’s is very unwell, and getting weaker. A few minutes later a good friend messaged to say her daughter is in hospital ready to give birth at any minute.
Bookends. Endings and beginnings.
The seasonal shifts we experience remind us of this. The lifting of a veil between life and death as we witness nature so elegantly move from one state to the next. Hibernation. A hiatus. A dying.
The fog was thick on the way to work today a veil coming down so I could only see two metres in front of me. It can be scary, the feeling of fog descending. A wall of mist. A symbol of the veil between endings and beginnings, perhaps?
One of the delights of fog is the droplets covering everything after it departs. If the sun comes out, a sparkling scene!
Droplets, so light-reflective and insubstantial, often highlight things we don’t always see. Illuminating the small details. Bringing attention to the ephemeral. The gentle, small things that glitter out-of-sight, that hide at the edges.
Are the beginnings and endings of life like this? Glimmers? Small flutterings on the edge that become substantial or insubstantial once they’ve taken a foothold…or lost one?
My in-between feeling will stay a little while. I can feel it. I’ll go through some rituals to help the process - light a candle, set intentions, meditate on what endings and beginnings mean. And embrace small moments of presence as I peek under the veil.
Stay well,
Lisa x
Other Things:
The wonderful people at More Love Letters are celebrating a milestone. It’s an amazing example of what can happen when you start something small, that you’re unsure of, and you keep at it to see what happens. Check them out.
I’ve been enjoying watching slow movies that explore relationships with others and the self. I’d love to hear some recommendations! Hit reply or leave a comment.
This is beautiful Lisa. ♥️
Beautiful, poignant writing, Lisa.